LJ Idol Week 3 - In Another Castle
Mar. 29th, 2014 04:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ceiphiedknightThings in my life have always had a magical way of working out.
Just when I need it most, there is a brand new book or movie or song or TV show to distract me from depression and anxiety. When I was a child, loneliness was my enemy. It was just me, an only child, with very few friends. Back then, I gave my all to the things that brought me joy. I threw every ounce of attention and imagination into my favorite songs and cartoons. I made up music videos in my head and I truly believed, as only a child can, that I could go to some magical land where I could be more than I am. Queen of some cartoon kingdom, living among my favorite characters. I would be able to sing and dance effortlessly, and do all of the things I couldn't do in the real world.
I would lose myself in books. I became a fan of horror when I was probably too young to be exposed to that sort of thing. I believed in ghosts and curses and carnivorous aliens, because life couldn't possibly be so dull that this is all there is to it.
When I was in middle school, and I was all alone with not a single friend, I accidentally discovered Star Trek. Suddenly the entire future was my playground. A world of peace and kindness and exploration was intoxicating to a girl who was painfully alone and mercilessly teased at school on a daily basis.
In high school, it was anime. I watched a lot of powerful women fight for peace and love and justice. They were just like me in so many ways. High school students, mostly, but caught up in magic and fate and powers so much greater than they ever thought possible.
And so it has been for my entire life. Whenever things are at their worst, something new comes along right in the nick of time. This is escapism at its finest, but without it I might not even be alive now to write about it.
But I'm still here, and I'm still living my own fairy tale. My husband may not wear armor, but he's still my hero. My friends don't owe me a blood debt, but they have been by my side through some drama epic enough for a book or anime. And they have done it because they want to, not because they have to.
I have even faced my share of villains, but they have never been able to destroy my tenacity.
Though I still lose myself in fiction, it is no longer lost on me that my own life is actually worth living. Maybe this is simply due to age and experience…but I'm writing my own story. It's still sad sometimes, and there are a lot of hardships, but I'm holding out for that happy ending.
The glass slipper still fits, and I'm dancing.
Just when I need it most, there is a brand new book or movie or song or TV show to distract me from depression and anxiety. When I was a child, loneliness was my enemy. It was just me, an only child, with very few friends. Back then, I gave my all to the things that brought me joy. I threw every ounce of attention and imagination into my favorite songs and cartoons. I made up music videos in my head and I truly believed, as only a child can, that I could go to some magical land where I could be more than I am. Queen of some cartoon kingdom, living among my favorite characters. I would be able to sing and dance effortlessly, and do all of the things I couldn't do in the real world.
I would lose myself in books. I became a fan of horror when I was probably too young to be exposed to that sort of thing. I believed in ghosts and curses and carnivorous aliens, because life couldn't possibly be so dull that this is all there is to it.
When I was in middle school, and I was all alone with not a single friend, I accidentally discovered Star Trek. Suddenly the entire future was my playground. A world of peace and kindness and exploration was intoxicating to a girl who was painfully alone and mercilessly teased at school on a daily basis.
In high school, it was anime. I watched a lot of powerful women fight for peace and love and justice. They were just like me in so many ways. High school students, mostly, but caught up in magic and fate and powers so much greater than they ever thought possible.
And so it has been for my entire life. Whenever things are at their worst, something new comes along right in the nick of time. This is escapism at its finest, but without it I might not even be alive now to write about it.
But I'm still here, and I'm still living my own fairy tale. My husband may not wear armor, but he's still my hero. My friends don't owe me a blood debt, but they have been by my side through some drama epic enough for a book or anime. And they have done it because they want to, not because they have to.
I have even faced my share of villains, but they have never been able to destroy my tenacity.
Though I still lose myself in fiction, it is no longer lost on me that my own life is actually worth living. Maybe this is simply due to age and experience…but I'm writing my own story. It's still sad sometimes, and there are a lot of hardships, but I'm holding out for that happy ending.
The glass slipper still fits, and I'm dancing.
